“Taking control of what you eat at a restaurant” or “Being that guy”

5 Jun

I’m that guy at the restaurant whom waiters hate. Everyone at the table orders: “I’ll have the tuna melt!” “I’ll take the meatloaf, please.” “Can I have a number 4?”

And then I go.

“Hey, how are you?” That’s the obligatory super nice starting sentence to try to get in good before I ruin it all. Next comes, “I have a question.” Which is usually answered by a “Sure.” Unbeknownst to the waiter, he’s now strapped into the roller coaster.

“Is it possible to have the tuna melt, but instead of tuna, can I have turkey?”

“Okay, so you want the tuna melt.. without tuna..”

“Yeah, with turkey instead.”

“Um, okay yeah we can do that.”

“And no cheese. Also if you could add lettuce, tomato, and onion, that would be awesome.”

“Ummm, yeah I think we can do that too.”

“Thank you so much! Also do you guys have whole wheat toast instead of white?”

“We do.”


“Chips or french fries?”

“Ummmm could I get a side salad actually?”

“It’ll be $2 extra.”

“That’s fine.”

“Italian, russian, blue cheese, ranch, or honey mustard?”

“Do you guys have just oil & vinegar that I can have on the side”


“Okay! Thanks so much!”

This morning I went to Progress coffee for a quick meeting, and while their breakfast menu is decent, it’s just not my style. So I ordered the egg & cheese biscuit, with 2 eggs instead of 1, sans the biscuit, sans the cheese. The result? Two microwaved egg-like objects on a plate. The guy at the counter handed it to me, and said, “is this cool?” I replied, “eggggg-selent!” He smirked and shook his head. I said, “Yeah, I went there.”

And yeah, I’d do it again.

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2 Responses to ““Taking control of what you eat at a restaurant” or “Being that guy””

  1. Blackened Dove June 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm #


    I am “that guy” as well. I can’t help it. I have an egg allergy. :)

    • melruns June 12, 2012 at 11:46 pm #

      Ah! I love eggs! What a tragedy. But I’m glad we’re “that guy” together in this world :)

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