“Healthy Lunch at Quiznos” or “Sponges, Snot and Chocolate”

14 Oct

One of the things I miss most about living in New York City is twenty-four hour delis. Any time of day, anywhere I was, I was guaranteed access to a freshly made turkey sandwich, with an apple and a Diet Peach Snapple–my go to choice when all I have is ten minutes. This is genuinely fast food done my way (I sound like Burger King)–consistently healthy, yummy, and filling.

Back at my NYC office, I went to the same deli everyday, lovingly knicknamed “the dirty deli”, for breakfast and lunch. They knew me by name, and invited me to their family Christmas parties and children’s birthdays. One might call me a deli addict, one might call me boring. I say I’m just low maintenance (right Dave?). I digress…

Today, after a killer bootcamp workout at personal trainer school, I was starving but only had twenty minutes to find a place to eat lunch. I pulled out my GPS and typed in “dirty deli”…. but nothing came up. So I looked up “local food destinations” instead, and tears were shed as I drove myself to a nearby Quiznos, pondering what I could get off their menu.

When I got there, the smell of salty meat and pickles immediately ovewhlemed me (I know you know that Subway smell I’m talking about) as I scanned the menu for a healthy option. I ended up choosing the Mediterranean Chicken salad, swapped the cheese out for pumpkin seeds, and got a side of fat free balsamic vinagrette. I paid, stared longingly at the chocolate chip cookies for a minute, and headed to the outdoor seating to eat.

quiznos salad

All of the ingredients were good except two, which isn’t bad! Except that the two were kind of main items: the chicken and the salad dressing. The one thing that really gets me with meat from these fast food chains is the spongey texture. Gah, what was in this chicken?

Ingredients: water, salt, spongebob squarepants, artificial chicken flavor, pepper, matzoh balls”.*

That’s what it tasted like. I wish they added more matzoh balls. I’d also like to note that the salad dressing was super gloppy. Every time I dipped my fork in (yes, I eat salad that way) a big blob would come up, but then get sucked back down. Some nice balsamic snot for my salad. Mmm yeah.

quiznos salad dressing

But really, the pumpkin seeds and olives were right on :) .

After kind of finishing the meal, I promptly went into the Starbucks next door and grabbed a package of heaven dark chocolate covered graham crackers which I immediately devoured. So in my attempt to grab a healthy lunch, I ended up eating sponges, snot, and chocolate cookies. #Winning?

Hey, I’m doin’ the best with what I’ve got.

*Those are not the actual ingredients in Quiznos chicken. But I still say they should add more matzoh balls.

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5 Responses to ““Healthy Lunch at Quiznos” or “Sponges, Snot and Chocolate””

  1. mybakingempire October 15, 2011 at 4:53 am #

    Matzoh balls in anything FTW. Also, your post was so graphic, gloppy, and grossly hysterical. There are no good delis in LA either. Ok, that’s not entirely true… there are a couple of outrageously priced Jewish delis (cup of soup is around $6, bowl of soup is closer to 9, sandwiches are somewhere in the $12 range – for a SANDWICH)… Maybe you should just start eating BBQ all the time… and wearing cowboy boots…

  2. melruns October 16, 2011 at 12:14 am #

    Haha I would do anything for an outrageously priced Jewish deli in Texas! If I mail you a check for $12, would you ship me some pastrami? And the cowboy boots I have… the courage to wear them, I don’t (workin on it).

  3. Aunt Mams October 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm #

    Funnier and funnier!!!

  4. Kerry Grandusky April 22, 2013 at 11:57 pm #

    In many countries, food laws define specific categories of ground beef and what they can contain. For example, in the United States, beef fat may be added to hamburger, but not to ground beef if the meat is ground and packaged at a USDA-inspected plant.’

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